I’ve often been told that I’m lazy. By family, by teachers, and most significantly, by myself. But the reality is, anxiety kills your ability to motivate, or indeed to believe you’re capable of doing anything.

I recently had a long period of underemployment, and I thought ‘woo hoo, lots of time to do work! Yay!’

Except when you’re in debt and carefully juggling household finances, you’re not productive either. Things didn’t happen due to guilt, anxiety. Looking for work was my first priority. Taking care of household duties to take the burden off my partner came second. Insomnia was kicking my arse. I was barely sleeping unassisted. And I was shelving projects due to a lack of money. I couldn’t even afford to print photos at Kmart.

So time rich and money poor don’t really work any better than time poor / money rich.

I’m working casually now with one employer and I’m hoping if the contract extends into the new year, I can give them four days a week and have a dedicated two days of work on art. Because I need time, funds and the available headspace to do it. So I have to find some sort of balance that will work for me.

About victoria

Artist. Over sharer. Angry little ball of impotent rage. I'm 45, but I look 46, and feel 23.
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